Friday, August 3, 2012

Romance Novels: A Binary System



Okay, a friend of mine asked me to give them my assessment of the different types of romance novels, not too long ago. Now another friend has posted on facebook that he is thinking of becoming a romance book author. For his further education in the field as to what is involved/ expected by the reader, and for anyone else who wants to know an inkling about the genre, here are my collective two cents (pre-tax, of course). Here's what I sent the first friend:


Okay, Harlequin Romance Novels. Basic ‘learning ground’ for most romance authors. Seems to come in two flavours -- trashy and better. Trashy: Desperate female, usually virgin, falls into the dastardly clutches of boss/brother’s best friend/freaky male personage /millionaire /billionaire /hostage taking idiot. He will generally be of low morals and only interested in her for the chance of getting laid. He will basically be a macho idiot who will put her in a compromising position, whereby she will have to act like his wife/ his mistress/ his _______ (fill in blank here). Generally, this will necessitate them sharing a room, for appearances sake. They will have sex by page 43.
Eventually, by the end of the book, you will have him realizing he actually does care about her, thus fulfilling “happily ever after” syndrome to wrap up the book. The writing in these books is usually crap, and comes with titles like “The Greek Tycoon’s Unwilling Sex Slave”
Better:
Desperate female, but sexually aware, looking for guy who is interested in her as more than a groin. Guy is supposedly of medium morals/ aloof/ not interested in her in any way. They will get together for a reason not necessarily related to banging. Gradually, one or both of them realize how hot the other/both are, and how much they have in common. There will be some sort of a secondary plot thread running through here -- undercover espionage ring they have to uncover, then break up, with much risk to the people involved. This will necessitate them sharing a room/ pretending to be something they are not/ caught in a compromising position. They will have sex by page 126. (Did I mention the better ones are generally twice as long as the crap ones? They are.) Eventually, by the end of the book, you will have him realizing they actually love each other , thus fulfilling “happily ever after” syndrome to wrap up the book. Generally, the sex scenes are more believable - may be more or less graphic, depending. The writing in these books is usually better, less misogynistic, and comes with titles like “Beyond Dakota” or “Once Bitten, Twice Shy”.
Crap, it’s amazing how much weird knowledge I’ve acquired for someone who refused to read romance novels all the way through high school and college.